Why This is Good

In addition to the differences discussed yesterday, dialogue in novels and dialogue in screenplays must be written differently. The reason why becomes apparent when you look at what each medium is. Novels and short stories are meant to be read, usually by a single person. Reading a novel is primarily done silently, so the dialogue is generally not spoken aloud. Because of this, dialogue in novels is often more formal than dialogue in screenplays. The dialogue in a novel can be long, drawn out, and flowery because it will rarely be spoken aloud.

Dialogue in a screenplay is ultimately meant to be read aloud, and because of this the screenwriter, unlike the novelist, has to take extra care to make sure their dialogue sounds as natural as possible. Many first drafts are full of dialogue that is stilted and formal because the writer neglects to use contractions, and doesn’t think about how people really speak. Most people rely heavily on contractions, including words that aren’t commonly seen in print because they aren’t really words, like “gonna” for “going to,” “dunno” instead of “don’t know,” “lemme” in place of “let me” and “wanna” for
“want to.” While English teachers permit the use of only the accepted, properly spelled contractions: don’t, won’t, can’t, I’d, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, etc., these new abbreviations aren’t really words, and won’t show up in most novels. In screenplays, however, it is perfectly acceptable to use these types of words, as they clearly represent a more natural, casual form of speaking that everyone recognizes as sounding realistic. Do not, however, go so far as to spell out accents and dialects phonetically. This gets much too tedious and difficult to read. Better to note if a character speaks with a strong accent in a parenthetical or a character description.

The screenwriter also faces another challenge when crafting dialogue that the novel author does not. As discussed yesterday, a screenwriter has to rely almost completely on the dialogue to reveal what each character thinks and feels, because unlike the novelist, they are unable to delve into the characters thoughts, and must convey emotion via the dialogue. While the novelist can have dialogue interspersed with long paragraphs describing what the phrase or word meant, how the character felt about saying it, how the other character felt upon hearing it, and then spend pages examining what these feelings mean, the screenwriter is left with only the dialogue. And of course, they must express their character’s inner thoughts and emotions while keeping their dialogue from becoming too expository or on-the-nose.

A fine line is walked by the screenwriter because while dialogue is the only tool they really have to express emotion (the actors, of course will express much with their skill when the script is turned into  a film, but the writer doesn’t have that tool at this stage), it still needs to sound real, and real people don’t generally wear their hearts on their sleeves, nor do most people even fully comprehend, let alone reveal, how they really feel in any given situation. Subtlety is the rule here, and psycho-babble laden, overly introspective speeches on a character’s emotions are a sign of a poorly written first draft by a newbie.

Emotions, feelings, and thoughts must be revealed slowly, naturally, and with as much left to the imagination as possible. The dramatic, extremely emotional scene in Chinatown when Evelyn reveals to Gittes that she has been the victim of incest is not dialogue heavy. Evelyn does not sit down and explain, in long-drawn out story, all of the pain she carries after having been raped by her father, she doesn’t get into how it happened, how it made her feel, what she thought about it then, what she thinks about it now. She does nothing but utter the few, memorable words, after much prompting from Gittes, “She’s my sister and my daughter.” This simple explanation conveys the emotion and pain behind the revelation much more effectively than if that scene had read like an hour long therapy session in. She does explain a little, but it is still relatively terse and succinct, given the nature of the event, and this works much better than pages and pages of overly revealing dialogue.

Citizen Kane expressed all of his longing for his childhood and lost innocence in a single word that had the other characters guessing and investigating what he meant. Imagine how much less powerful would that film have been if he had murmured instead the on-the-nose dialogue: “I’m sentimental about my childhood and longing to go back to a simpler time when I felt young and free and innocent.”

As a writer, particularly a screenwriter, it’s important to notice things around you and keep track of your observations both to keep up your writing skills, and to get you in the habit of noticing the visual details all around you. I’ve mentioned in several prior posts to keep track of certain things, so I thought it would be helpful to compile all of them here, and give you specific items to pay attention to.

Today, we’ll look at dialogue.

Some writers have an ear for dialogue. I think this comes from being a good listener. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in our own thoughts and the distractions of technology that we don’t pay attention to other people around us. Listening is crucial, and it’s important that you listen to others who aren’t necessarily talking to you, or else your observations will be limited to only the type of people you associate with.

Some people have wide circles of friends and family that include all different generations and people from all walks of life. But most people associate primarily with others around their age, and from the same socio-economic class that they are a part of. And, unless you’re extremely well-travelled, it’s hard to get a sense of how people speak in different areas, so it’s important to be aware and listen whenever you’re out around others, so that you’ll get a sampling of people from many different places.

Broaden your knowledge by listening to strangers everywhere you go. Don’t walk around with earbuds in and your iPod blasting, and don’t spend so much time texting and twittering that you don’t hear what’s going on around you. Listen to people. What is the current slang that the teenagers around you are using? How does the pattern of the old woman’s voice differ from that of the middle-aged man on the phone? Can you tell by what people are saying how they feel? Do people sound different on the phone than they do in person? If you hear an odd phrase or interesting piece of information, take note of what caught your attention. Was it the way they said it or the words themselves? Listening to real people as much as possible will greatly improve your dialogue and help you write realistic lines for people whose experiences do not mirror your own. Without observing real people, all of your dialogue reference will come from your immediate circle of friends and family, and you may want to write about characters who come from a different place than these people represent.

It’s easy to observe dialogue, if you keep your ears open. If you’re in a line at the store or a movie, stay quiet and listen to the people around you. How do they speak to each other? To the cashier? Try striking up a conversation and observe how they react. Do they speak to you the same way they were talking to their friend on the phone? If not, what was different? Go to restaurants alone and talk to the waiter. Ask them where they’re from, and see if you can detect an accent, pattern, or rhythm to their speech that reveals they aren’t from the same place you are. Walk around malls, sit at Starbucks, and observe teenagers and kids. The slang they’re using will be completely different than anything you said when you were in high school, even if you are only in your early twenties. It changes so rapidly, it’s important to listen to how kids are speaking everyday, so that your characters, no matter what age they are, will sound authentic.

What was good:

The wallpaper-I know that sounds odd but see the movie and you’ll know exactly what I mean. The film is set in 1976 and the décor and clothes make the 70s look a lot more chic than they really were. The visuals throughout were quite stunning, and the intense patterns of the wallpaper framed the actors and added to the uncomfortable tension.

James Marsden-I think James Marsden is adorable, and the poor guy always plays the boyfriend of the leading lady who is really in love with someone else (see The Notebook, X-Men, and Superman Returns). I was excited to see him in a leading role, and I think he proved he’s leading man material, finally.

The story-Much of the story worked well, there were constant twists, turns, scares, and surprises. Going in we all knew the intriguing Twilight Zone worthy premise-press the button and get a million dollars, but someone you don’t know will die (incidentally this story was used in a Twilight Zone episode in 1986).  The ever unfolding story behind this weird experiment went places I did not expect or predict, and kept me guessing until the end. It also made me want to read the short story on which the film was based, as I’m sure it’s even better. The story was a little big for two hours, and might have worked better as a mini-series, but overall I give the writer credit for asking a question in each scene, and following each answer with another question leading down another bizarre path.

What wasn’t so good:

The dialogue-it was clunky, repetitive, and often on-the-nose. Cheesy and melodramatic, the story would have benefited from less of it, and a rewrite to take out all of the first draft lines that read like a bad play.

The complexity of the story-I’m all for a challenging, engaging, multifaceted story, and this certainly was one. But, as I said, it was a bit too big to be contained in two hours. The twists and turns sometimes went way too far, taking us in a direction that seemed important, only to end up meaning nothing, or remain unexplained. It hinted at grander, more exciting ideas (sequels, perhaps?) that it failed to address.

There were subplots that didn’t need to be there that bogged down the thrill and the pacing, and there were levels of corruption and conspiracy that were never fully explained. A suspense thriller is necessarily complex, but it needs to be streamlined enough to keep us engaged in the forward momentum of the main story, and not distracted by subplots and unexplained details and phenomena that leave us asking what that was all about, rather than focusing on the main story.

And while a million dollars is still a lot of money and was even more so in 1976, I found it hard to believe that this well-dressed couple residing in a beautiful home (please, that designer wallpaper is not cheap!) in a quaint suburb were so hard up that they would really be tempted to kill someone for money. (Spoiler Alert) The biggest monetary woe presented in the film was that the fancy private academy at which Cameron Diaz’s character worked would no longer allow their son to attend for free. Life is rough. Given that her husband drove a beautiful brand new Corvette Stingray to his job as a rocket scientist at NASA, I wasn’t too worried about them being out on the streets had they decided to forego the million dollars. Of course, that was part of the gimmick, that we humans are so awful we would sacrifice our fellow man just to have an easier time for ourselves. It just made me resent the characters, whereas if I had truly believed they were going to lose their house, or needed some sort of life-saving operation, I would have understood their choice.

The acting-Okay I know I said I liked James Marsden, and he did well with what he was given, but it wasn’t awesome. I can see why Allie, Jean Grey, and Lois Lane all had the hots for someone else. He was a little flat.  Cameron was a bit too weepy eyed and had the same facial expression throughout the whole film. Though I was also happy to see that she’s back to her voluptuous, natural-looking state. I personally prefer the curvy Cameron of The Mask to the emaciated teenage boy look she thought was attractive a few years back.

A big part of the plot hinged on how deeply this couple loved their son. And I knew they did because they were his parents and because they said so. But I didn’t feel this love, it wasn’t authentic. Nor was their love for each other. They had no chemistry, and a sad lack of sexual tension. They seemed to have an admiration, and a brother-sister fondness for one another, and like their love for their son, their love for each other was rooted in the fact that it was written in the script and to be expected, not because they really felt it.

Overall, I would say this film was good. I was literally on the edge of my seat throughout most of it, and intrigued enough that I may go see it again. If nothing else, it accomplished what all films should-it elicited an emotional response in its viewers-I wasn’t the only one who jumped out of my seat in shock at least once. Definitely worth seeing, but if you’re also facing hardships like having to take your son out of private school in these tough economic times, maybe wait until it comes out on dvd.

The language of screenwriting is different than other forms of writing. We already know that screenwriting utilizes visual images, terse writing style, and short, declarative sentences. It is important to avoid overly flowery language but still use enough of the most precise adjectives to convey a vivid image of both person and place. This is done best by using details and visual clues that capture the essence of what things look and feel like without having to go into too much detail.

Every writer must find their own style, even within the generally accepted guidelines of screenwriting prose. This can become especially difficult if English is not your native language. Colloquialisms, slang, and current trends in language are important to incorporate into your writing, but if you’re not used to writing in English, this becomes a challenge. Both the action description and dialogue can sound too formal and stilted if you’re not a native speaker. Listening to real life conversations is important for all screenwriters trying to perfect their dialogue, but it is essential for non-native speakers. You’ll learn phrases, expressions, and sentence structure that isn’t taught in English classes. If you’re not a native English speaker, you should also try to read as many screenplays as possible. Reading only books, magazines and newspapers will not help you get used to the appropriate language that should be used in a screenplay.

After you’ve written your story, have as many native English speakers-whether they are screenwriters or not-read your script and give you feedback on the language you’ve used. Revise as many times as needed to make sure your script sounds completely Americanized.

Everyone, no matter what language they speak, should share their story, and screenwriting is one of the best ways to reach a large audience with your vision.

Another dialogue problem, expository dialogue is when you use dialogue to tell us things about the story or the characters in an unnatural way. For example, “Have a great day at work in the hospital, dear.” Assuming this is a spouse or talking to another spouse, we can also assume that they already know where they work, it sounds phony and unnatural to state it, and it’s clearly done just to tell the audience that the person works in the hospital.

Or “Your sister, Beth is at the door.” Most people know the name of their sister. This sounds more like an introduction. Or, if speaking to a close friend or family member: “Hi Mary, I had a hard day working at the train station today. My boss, John, was riding me all day.” A close friend would know where the speaker worked, and probably the boss’s name. Most people don’t call people by their first names on a regular basis either. A more realistic line would be: “Work was tough, John was riding me all day.”

Expository dialogue is a common problem and will almost always be present to some extent in first drafts. It is important to review your script to make sure your dialogue sounds natural, realistic, and like something your characters would actually say. Paying attention to how real people talk, and always listening when you are out around others will help you develop an ear for natural, realistic dialogue and help you write accurate dialogue that improves your story.

Screenplays are not plays, they rely on visual images to tell a story. Dialogue is a vital part of the storytelling process, but it should not dominate the script. Whenever possible, it is better to show, not tell. Use the visual medium for its intended purpose. Screenplays are often dialogue heavy because characters talk about something that happened rather than showing that as a scene. Whereas in a play this is often necessary because locations, sets and special effects are limited, in a film you can show anything, happening anywhere. There is no need for the characters to talk about something we don’t see, just show it. Equally irritating are characters discussing something we have already seen. Unless it’s pertinent to the story for a character to relay the details of an event to another character, don’t include recaps. Those that are necessary should be very brief, or cut away during the telling, so the audience isn’t bored with hearing about what they just watched.

Much of first draft dialogue is repetitive. This is easier to spot on your second draft, or if you have your script reviewed by someone else. Read the dialogue out loud. Are the ideas repeated over and over? If so find a concise, natural way for the characters to say what they mean, and move on. Often less dialogue is more powerfully able to convey emotion than pages and pages of introspection.

Dialogue is perhaps one of the most challenging components of screenwriting. Most writers rely far too heavily on dialogue to move their story forward. When you do write dialogue, it’s often difficult to get it to sound natural, and individualized. I often find myself telling writers that their dialogue all sounds the same. It’s very hard, especially in early drafts when you yourself don’t even know your characters, to write dialogue that sounds different for each character, but this is a vital part of a successful script.

In the first draft, write out the dialogue that comes to you-it won’t be good, but you’ll put down what needs to be said and when. Then go back, re-read, and revise. The next step should be having it read aloud. If you are part of a writer’s group, have actor friends, or just friends who like hearing themselves talk, have them help you. Read the scenes aloud, with different people reading each part. Hearing it read by other voices will help you hear what works, and what doesn’t. You’ll notice things that sound phony, cheesy, or hackneyed when you hear it aloud, versus seeing it on the computer screen.

Make notes during the read, and get input from the people reading. How did they feel about their part? Were there things they felt sounded odd, or out of character for that person? Revise again based on these notes.

In your daily life, make sure you listen to people talking all the time. Take those earbuds out and observe as much conversation as you can everywhere you go. It’s especially important to observe when you’re writing characters with different backgrounds from yours, or the opposite sex, or people much younger or older than you are.  If there’s a 13 year old in your script and you write the slang that was cool when you were in junior high, it will be instantly recognizable as phony to the parents of teenagers, and the teenagers themselves. And you don’t have to go lurking creepily in school yards to eavesdrop on kids (you definitely should not do that). Kids and teenagers are everywhere, and you’ll hear them if you listen, at Starbucks, in the mall, at and fast food restaurants. You’ll also hear elderly people, people from other parts of the country, people with different accents, all different types. Listen to how they speak, the words they use, the length of their sentences, the way they phrase things. Write it down, and pay attention to how you can capture their cadence and tone with words.  Just opening your ears to other people will make a world of difference in your dialogue, and greatly improve your screenplays.