Why This is Good

The first ten percent of the film establishes the character in their everyday life, or the “Ordinary World” to use Chris Vogler’s terminology. This part of the script is often the easiest to write, and because of that, many writers overlook it and don’t spend as much time here analyzing and agonizing over every word. Since the second act is often the most difficult, and the third act contains the climax and the most exciting part of the story, the opening ten percent is glossed over.

This first portion of your script is where you win or lose your audience or your reader, and it is vital to the success of your script. Some scripts open right away with an inciting incident that sets the story in motion. In this case the first ten percent is off to a quick start and the writer will have to go back when the action has slowed a bit to establish who the character is and what their world is like. For the majority of films, and the majority of screenwriting structure paradigms, the first ten percent prior to the inciting incident is what tells us who the character is, what their everyday life is like, and establishes why we should like them and care enough about them to want to watch the rest of the film.

In this short amount of time, you need to accomplish several things:

-Introduce and describe the hero.

-Grab the reader’s attention with an exciting, compelling story and engaging writing.

-Establish the hero’s normal life, what they are like and what they are doing before the story really starts.

-Invite the reader into the world of the story by using vivid detail and visual descriptions to create a realistic and three-dimensional setting, whether the story is set in a real or imagined world, in the past, present or future.

-Create empathy for the hero using some of the techniques described here.

-Show the inciting incident that sets the story in motion.

This is not to be confused with the first act turning point that occurs at 25% and firmly establishes the goal for the rest of the film. The inciting incident is the very first event that begins the hero’s journey out of their ordinary world and into the world of the story.

For the next few days, I’ll examine how to accomplish each of these objectives in depth. First I’ll discuss introducing the hero, specifically, describing them.

While character descriptions must be brief, the description of the hero can be a little longer. Take a full paragraph-at least a few sentences-to really describe the hero. Remember that the character description should not be about hair and eye color, or any physical description that would limit casting, unless specific looks are essential to the story or the character. For example, the hobbits had to be described as short, rotund, and with hairy feet,  that Elle Woods was Legally Blonde, and it did matter to the story that all those nerdy girls who would become hot by taking off their glasses or getting a makeover (She’s All That, The Princess Diaries, Walk to Remember, Never Been Kissed, etc.) looked nerdy. But even when looks matter, you’ll find that the descriptions aren’t so specific-as they often get in books-that only one person could play the part. Any number of blondes could have been Elle, the hobbits casting wasn’t limited to brunettes, and those nerdy pre-makeover girls could have any number of hair color, eye color or height.

What matters in describing characters, particularly your hero, is capturing their essence. Who are they? What can we tell about their personality from the way they act, the way they carry themselves, or the way they dress? And while you cannot get into the character’s head and give us a psychoanalysis of their neuroses and hang-ups, you can and should give us an overall image of what they’re like.

You can also use visual description to imply what a personality is like, it’s all about choosing the right adjectives. You need to pick words that can be acted and shown on screen. Shy is not as visual and actable as timid, meek, soft-spoken or careful. Mean is not as visual as aggressive or hostile. Nice is not as visual as warm, friendly or bubbly. Be careful in your descriptions, and try to choose the most actable, visual words to describe your hero. Throughout the script, make sure that we see them acting in a way that is consistent with this description. As you review your character descriptions, ask yourself how the audience will know that what you’ve described is true, since they won’t be able to see the words you’ve written. If your description is visual and actable, then everything you’ve written about your character will be easily known and understood by viewers watching your film, not just people reading your script.

Here are two character descriptions that say the same things about the hero. The first is an example of what not to do-and what most writers do out of habit in their first draft. The second description rewrites the first in a more visual way that an actor could take to the screen and portray.

JESSICA is 5’8” and 140lbs, thin but muscular and toned. She is 24 years old. She spends all her time outside riding horses so she is always tan, with some freckles on her nose and cheeks. She has long brown hair that she always wears up in a ponytail. Jessica’s parents divorced when she was six and she has always had a hard time trusting people because her father left her and her mom. She has abandonment issues and when she gets into a relationship she always suspects her boyfriends of cheating on her. She gets jealous easily and constantly starts fights with them, and has a hard time being friendly because she is afraid if she gets close to someone they will leave like her father did.

JESSICA, 24, is athletic and outdoorsy. She wears black mud-covered riding boots over dusty, worn jeans and a thin white tank top. Her hair is pulled up out of the way. Jessica is reserved and cautious.

It’s not just the length of the description that has been cut down, it’s the novelistic background details that aren’t visual. How would the audience know that Jessica’s parents divorced? The only way they would know is if she reveals it in dialogue, or if you show a flashback of this event happening. But those things are not part of the character description.

The details about what she does in a relationship are also not something that can be acted on screen when Jessica is first introduced. Rather than telling your reader something the audience cannot see, you will need to show that Jessica does this by writing out scenes in which she acts this way. The details about her looks that limit casting have been omitted, and the overall look is summed up in the general but visual adjectives of athletic and outdoorsy. The important thing about her is that she is athletic.

By describing her clothes, we can tell she rides horses. Even better would be if she were introduced in a restaurant, or at school or work-somewhere where the fact that she was dressed this way was not appropriate and would reveal that she is so into riding she is always just coming from seeing her horse and can’t be bothered changing into more suitable clothes. This is a good way to show that she is a rider rather than novelistically telling us that she rides horses a lot.

To transform the novelistic sentence: “She has long brown hair that she always wears up in a ponytail” to one that works in a screenplay, I have changed it to “Her hair is pulled up out of the way.” No need to limit casting with the long brown hair detail, it doesn’t matter to the essence of the character if her hair is long and brown or short and blonde. We can’t know that she always wears it up because we are only describing what we see here. Her hair is up now, but the audience would have no way of knowing that she always wears her hair in a ponytail, so it’s inappropriate to describe her this way in a screenplay.

By saying she is reserved and cautious, we have transformed all of her background information and hang-ups into two actable, specific, visual adjectives that the actor can use to approach the character and show us that she has all of these issues, the details of which can be revealed through dialogue and later events. The important thing now is giving an overall impression and a visual description that evokes an image in the readers mind, and character traits that any athletic, 20-something actress could portray.

In your first draft, don’t slow down your writing by worrying over every word. Describe the character as you see him or her, but go back in subsequent revisions and analyze whether or not your descriptions are visual or not. Ask yourself how the audience will see that what you have written is true. If the only way to know a detail you have put down would be to read the script, then you need to revise your description to make it more visual and appropriate for a screenplay.

For more information on the first 10%, check out Michael Hauge’s lecture Grabbing the Reader in the First 10 Pages-available on DVD by clicking here.

Movies are dynamic. They’re not called stillies. The first films were silent, and some say it is the true test of the quality of a film if the story can be understood without dialogue.

Of course, it would be silly to take this to mean that a film can exist in the 21^st century lacking dialogue, but there is wisdom in this rule, and that is to keep in mind that films are in constant motion. Plays are dialogue based. Novels can use flowery language and long-winded descriptions, stopping for pages and pages to delve into a character’s history, or explore her innermost thoughts and feelings. Screenwriters don’t have this luxury. We are writing something that is not meant to be read, but instead is meant to be turned into something inherently dynamic, a motion picture. Every scene should move the story forward, expand on the character development, and represent a change. There should be no neutral scenes in your screenplay. If a scene begins positive, it should end negatively. If a scene begins on a negative, it should end either positively or even more negatively. Things can and usually do go from bad to worse, and occasionally (usually just before something really bad happens) things go from bad to good. But, unlike in real life, in a screenplay, a scene should never go from good, to extremely good. That’s boring, unrealistic, and does nothing to move the story forward.

Review your script, and ask yourself what purpose each scene served. If nothing changes as a result of the scene, eliminate it. Pointless filler bores the reader and causes audiences to lose interest in your story. As discussed in the last post, even seemingly unimportant details may come into play later, or be purposefully inserted to force the viewer’s attention in another direction. If backstory needs to be revealed, do so while the characters are in the midst of something much more exciting, do not create an entire scene devoted to revealing some piece of personal history. Move the story forward with each word you write, and never forget that you are writing a motion picture.

“Show Don’t Tell” is a basic writing tip that is nonetheless an essential part of successful screenwriting. This simple rule can help you decide what makes sense for the script and what doesn’t. Instead of telling your reader about a character, show them, by what the character does. In a novel it’s okay to write what the character is thinking, what happened to them in their childhood, and why they are acting a certain way. In a screenplay, you are limited to what we can see and hear on screen, making background information, internal thoughts and feelings inappropriate.  If you tell us that “Sarah feels happy,” how will we see that this is true? Better to write that “Sarah smiles and walks with a bounce in her step.” This shows us Sarah is happy.

The same is true when describing a location. Show us what each new place looks like by providing key visual details. Instead of saying “the building is old,” describe the peeling paint, neglected lawn, and broken windows.  Because screenwriting must be terse, it is a constant struggle to find the perfect words and the most visual and important details to use in your script.

It is particularly difficult to make this distinction when writing for film, because you are using a “telling” medium, the written word, to define what will eventually be a “showing” medium, a film. Writing that is meant to only be read-novels, short stories, articles, etc.-can rely on telling because there will always be someone reading the written word. Writing that is not meant to be seen-screenplays and stage plays-need to provide details that show both the reader and the future potential viewer what is happening regardless of whether they are reading the written word or watching those words coming to life on screen.