Why This is Good

Yesterday I talked about the vitality of writing for clarity. Today I’d like to give some examples of how to write clearly and show what works and what doesn’t.

There are some simple rules you can follow to ensure you writing is clear and precise:

-Use short, declarative sentences

-Use sentence fragments.

-Use basic sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences.

-Use the active voice, and avoid –ing ending verbs.

-Always orient the reader when you get into a new scene. In addition to describing what each location looks like, especially the first time we visit, briefly describe who is there and what they are doing. If you neglect to do this, and a character starts speaking that wasn’t mentioned in the action description, it seems to the reader that they came out of nowhere. Include entrances and exits-if a character enters the scene or leaves, mention it so the reader is always aware of what the picture in their mind should look like.

-Use names whenever possible, don’t use pronouns, especially when there are two or more people of the same gender. Make sure it is always clear who is doing what action.

For example:

Bob and Tom walk into a bar and sit down. He points at the top shelf whiskey. He pours the whiskey and takes a shot. He looks at him and waits.

There is no way to know which he and him we are talking about. Bob, Tom, and the bartender are all male. We can infer that the he that pours the whiskey is the bartender, but which he asked for it? Which he drinks it? Rewriting for clarity to avoid vague pronouns would look like this:

Bob and Tom walk into a bar and sit down. Bob points at the top shelf whiskey. The bartender pours the whiskey and Bob takes a shot. Tom looks at Bob and waits.

The second paragraph clearly indicates who is performing each action, since it’s all men, we can’t rely on pronouns. In your quest for brevity, never sacrifice clarity and ease of readability.

Reading more screenplays should help illustrate what is good, clear screenwriting and what isn’t. The more good, produced screenplays you read, the more examples you will see of how screenwriters accomplish the task of being brief, concise, visual, dynamic and clear all at once.

Describing the clothes the character wears often says much more about who the character is than any other physical or personality trait.  Whether or not the clothes contrast with what others are wearing, or is completely trendy and in style speaks volumes about who someone is.

No one chooses whether they have green eyes or brown, we’re born with certain genetic traits that determine our looks, but we wake up every morning and choose what we wear, and how we wear it. Clothes say a lot about our lifestyle, income level, how much we value our appearance, or don’t value our appearance, and this says a lot about who we are and where we are in life.  A frazzled mother with three screaming kids probably doesn’t worry about what she throws on before going grocery shopping. The fact that she is sloppily dressed and possibly wearing mismatched socks reveals how busy and stressed she is. Looking sexy is not her top priority right now, and we can get this sense by simply looking at what she wears, without knowing any other detail about her life.

At the same time, an impeccably dressed, perfectly manicured mother of three may give an impression that she has a nanny and doesn’t ever allow those kids to play outside or get dirty. Teenagers express themselves through their clothes, whether they’re trying desperately to look older or cooler, fit in, or look like they don’t care what anyone thinks and are above worrying about appearances. We know without being told that someone dressed in expensive designer clothes is most likely has money, or serious credit card debt, and someone in a navy or gray suit and a mildly patterned tie probably works for a conservative company, while someone in baggy cargo pants and a holey t-shirt and flip flops may have a less structured work environment.

From Erin Brokovich by Susannah Grant, “…in the middle of this pedestrian normalcy, a pair of impossibly high spike-heeled pumps struts out of a shop. So high it hurts to look at them.”

Without having to say it outright, we know that Erin without is alluring, maybe bordering on a bit trampy and tacky. The shoes show us she confident, a bit provocative, and probably attractive.

From Back to the Future by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale, “MARTY McFLY, 17, a good looking kid who has an air of confidence just shy of cockiness. He’s wearing a silver Porsche jacket, and like most typical modern day kids, not a stitch of his clothing is without some brand name or form of advertising.”

Again the clothes tell the story, by showing us that Marty is a typical kid, probably into sports cars, definitely trying to fit in and look cool. He’s not an outsider or a geek, as his clothes are in line with what everyone else is wearing. The writers also noted he was confident. This character trait is something we can see, and it has to do with who he is as a person. It doesn’t matter whether he has brown, blonde, or black hair, or if he is tall or short. We know he’s good-looking, confident, and dresses in trendy clothes. This tells us what he’s like without limiting casting. It allows us to create a picture in our heads of what the kid is like, and gives producers reading the script the flexibility to imagine casting several different actors.

In Legally Blonde by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kristen Smith, Elle is described based on how she looks, but in a way that speaks volumes about who she is “…passing toned, waxed, tanned legs in pink Prada pedal pushers and a pair of perky boobs encased in a spaghetti-strap top – until we finally reveal a magnificent head of long blonde hair and a sweet, beautiful face. This is ELLE WOODS”

Here the writers noted the hair color, because, obviously in this case it is vital to the character. But they spent more time detailing her body and her outfit because the clothes tell us so much more about her. Reading this description is much more interesting and visually impactful than if they had instead said: “She is attractive, takes care of herself, is well-groomed and popular.” We get so much more out of the visual details. The waxed, tanned legs, the revealing, designer clothes, the perky boobs. All of this shows us, without telling us that she is popular, wealthy, and probably superficial.

In Chinatown by Robert Towne, Gittes is introduced by noting his clothes: “He looks cool and brisk in a white linen suit despite the heat.” This conveys much about his personality, that he’s confident and cool. The other character in the room is sweaty and sloppily dressed. Our hero, by contrast, is relaxed and suave. These minor details are a vital part of the character, telling us the essence of who he is with a few short words, and without relying on hair color, body type, or any other limiting details.

In Schindler’s List by Steven Zaillian “Oskar Schindler – salesman from Zwittau – looking almost reputable in his one nice suit.” This tells us that he is not really be reputable, and that he may be a bit of a swindler or a con artist. He only has one nice suit, so we know that he is not wealthy, but that he puts on airs and possibly uses this suit to impress and get people to do what he wants. He is probably persuasive and popular, but also worried about how others see him. He values what people think and makes sure they think he is more successful than he is.

When you’re out and about, observe what people are wearing and note what your immediate impression is based solely on this. This is one of the primary ways we judge strangers who we have never spoken to and know nothing about. Note what you think of someone based on their outfit, and you can use these observations to help choose the right look for your characters based on what you want their clothes to mean about who they really are.

Movies are dynamic. They’re not called stillies. The first films were silent, and some say it is the true test of the quality of a film if the story can be understood without dialogue.

Of course, it would be silly to take this to mean that a film can exist in the 21^st century lacking dialogue, but there is wisdom in this rule, and that is to keep in mind that films are in constant motion. Plays are dialogue based. Novels can use flowery language and long-winded descriptions, stopping for pages and pages to delve into a character’s history, or explore her innermost thoughts and feelings. Screenwriters don’t have this luxury. We are writing something that is not meant to be read, but instead is meant to be turned into something inherently dynamic, a motion picture. Every scene should move the story forward, expand on the character development, and represent a change. There should be no neutral scenes in your screenplay. If a scene begins positive, it should end negatively. If a scene begins on a negative, it should end either positively or even more negatively. Things can and usually do go from bad to worse, and occasionally (usually just before something really bad happens) things go from bad to good. But, unlike in real life, in a screenplay, a scene should never go from good, to extremely good. That’s boring, unrealistic, and does nothing to move the story forward.

Review your script, and ask yourself what purpose each scene served. If nothing changes as a result of the scene, eliminate it. Pointless filler bores the reader and causes audiences to lose interest in your story. As discussed in the last post, even seemingly unimportant details may come into play later, or be purposefully inserted to force the viewer’s attention in another direction. If backstory needs to be revealed, do so while the characters are in the midst of something much more exciting, do not create an entire scene devoted to revealing some piece of personal history. Move the story forward with each word you write, and never forget that you are writing a motion picture.

Finding the perfect word is a struggle all writers face. In screenwriting, this becomes an even greater challenge, as you must use very few words. The words you choose are critical to the way your script reads, and the images you are able to evoke in the mind of the reader.

Unlike prose writing, screenplays are only able to describe what we see or hear on screen.  Because of this it is essential that everything you write be visual, vivid, and descriptive enough to paint a clear picture in your reader’s mind. All while using as few words as possible.

In elementary school, I had already developed a reputation for being an overly prolific writer. I’m not even sure if I was ever a particularly good writer, or if I just got attention for the volume of verbose essays and short stories I was able to produce. When we graduated from sixth grade our teachers wrote a poem about each child and what they would do when they grew up. For me they wrote: “The length of the novel War and Peace was outrageous, Ginger wrote a book with twice as many pages.” Writing concisely, in the terse, simple style that a screenplay requires has been a challenge for me.

When writing your first draft, focus on the story and getting the ideas down on paper. Don’t worry about how many words you’re using, this is limiting and will keep you from moving forward in creating the story. In subsequent revisions, you can focus on limiting the words, and finding the perfect word choice. When re-reading your script, it will be easy to see what is redundant and repetitive. It will also help to have others proofread or edit your script for you. Reading the screenplay aloud will also help you identify unnecessary words.

Reading other screenplays will help you identify the proper screenwriting style that you need to employ to most effectively convey your story. Start with your favorite movies, then start reading scripts from films that have been successful, or won Academy Awards. Take notes as you read on how the author described settings, people, and action and what visual details they chose. Familiarizing yourself with the language used in professional screenplays will help your own writing.

Below are some beautifully written examples of vivid details and descriptions that paint a visual picture of exactly what is going on. These descriptions, however short, create an image in the reader’s mind, as well as a sense of tone.

From the Academy Award Winning screenplay for Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

“With seven walls of white stone, so strong and old that it seems to have been not built, Minas Tirith looks carven by giants out of the bones of the earth.”

“Minas Morgul, a massive dead city, set upon a rocky knee at the head of the Morgul Valley. Corrupted and loathsome, it glows with a sickly luminous light – like a corpse candle.”

“Silence surrounds them, there are no birds, no wind. Only the ominously muffled thud of their horses hooves on the dank fern needles.”

“Tall peaks rise on either side, like pillars holding up a sagging sky.”

“The Wall of Rohirrim Horses and spears is seemingly unstoppable! Entire Orc companies vanish under their hooves, like sand beneath a foaming breaker.”